


I Care

by TheRavensSmile



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, Fem!Ciel, Female Ciel Phantomhive, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRavensSmile/pseuds/TheRavensSmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ciel hasn't been the same since her parents died. But not in the way that everyone thinks she is. Truth is she can only find peace when the blade touches her skin. Well what if one night she took it a little to far and Sebastian finds her in a pool of her own blood? Will the teen find out that maybe someone really does care about her? Or will it only end in horror for the young mistress?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this story almost two years ago. I plan of going back through and changing things and tweeking little details that don't make sense or stuff in this story that I want to change because I was pressured into changing. Thank you for giving this story a chance.

Ciel laid down in bed and sighed slightly watching her butler Sebastian walk out the door. She stayed in bed long enough to make sure that he had left and wasn’t paying attention to what she was doing. Ciel got up from her bed her long grey-blue hair falling down her back and shoulders. She walked over to closet and pulled out to the key to unlock the drawer that only she had access to. She unlocked the drawer and pulled out the only thing that brought her true comfort anymore. Her razor blade.

Ciel had been cutting for over a year now. She hid it from Sebastian well by starting to dress and bathe herself. Sebastian thought it was simply because she was a growing young women and was embarrassed to have him see her that way. He didn’t know that it went much deeper than that. He never suspected that his young mistress had been harming herself.

She sighed and went to the bathroom attached to her bedroom and removed the nightgown she was wearing. Ciel looked down at her scars rarely seen tears building behind mismatched eyes. She started going over way she had given herself every single one. From the time she wasn’t able to save her Aunt Ann from the reaper Grell Sutcliff and she blamed herself for what happened to the time Sebastian teased her for eating one more sweet in the day then she normally did because she was craving it. 

She bit her lip to keep from screaming as she yet again heard the voices in her head that told her she was responsible for her parents death and everything else that had happened in her life. Ciel closed her eyes and dragged the razor blade over her stomach opening them watching the crimson red blood that flowed from the wound. She made a few more cuts on her stomach before moving down to her legs. She only cut above the knee so that if she ever wore a shorter dress no one would see the scars. 

The blood continued to pour from the wounds on her stomach and legs. She knew that she had overdone it this time and dropped the blood covered razor blade. Ciel fell to her knees and then on her side. She knew that more than likely this would be the end for her. Her only regret was that Sebastian wouldn’t get her soul like she had promised him.

Sebastian heard the thud followed by a thump coming from his young mistress's bathroom. He knew that something wasn’t right since normally around this time of night she was asleep. Sebastian ran up the stairs and down the hallway. Has he got closer he could smell the blood. He feared that someone had snuck in under his nose and harmed Ciel. Sebastian finally reached the bathroom and threw the door open. The sight in front of him truly horrified the demon.

Ciel was laying in a puddle of her own blood and her breathing was starting to become slower and slower. He ran over and picked her when he noticed the cuts on her stomach and legs along with the scars to match the newest cuts. He thought that he was imagining things until he saw the razor blade on the floor and knew that he was imagining this. He quickly laid Ciel on her bed not caring if he was ruining the sheets by getting blood on them. He got the first aid kit and the supplies he would need to make the stitches she would need. 

Sebastian whipped the blood away from the area and then used gauze and slightly pressure to get the bleeding to stop. He sighed thankful that Ciel hadn’t hit any of her major veins or arteries. He started stitching the cuts that needed it putting bandages over the others. He had put finished stitching the last cut when Ciel opened her eyes and looked into his red ones. “s-Sebastian...” She said her voice cracking and it was barely above a whisper. 

He looked at her and sat next to her taking her hand in his own. “Ciel why are you doing this?” He asked her concerned She sighed and looked away. “You wouldn’t understand Sebastian...and besides it’s not like you care. As long as you get my soul.” She replied frowning and looking away.

He shook his head and made her look at him. “No Ciel that’s not it at all. I want to help you.” He said and took a deep breath looking into her mismatched eyes. “I want’ to help you because I care about you Ciel.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ciel looked at Sebastian with wide eyes. The confusion and shock from his words were clear in her face. “y-You care about me? Why?” She asks him wanting to know why when for so long no one has really cared about her. At least in her opinion. 

Sebastian sighed and looked at her taking her hand in his own. “Ciel I’ve always cared about you. I have since the day you summoned me.” He said not wanting to push his luck by saying he loved her. He knew that he was pushing his luck just by calling her by her first name.

Ciel didn’t know what to say. If she had thought someone had cared about her maybe she wouldn’t have done this in the first place. But then again she doubted his words wondering if he was just saying this to try to stop her from doing it again. 

He sighed and looked at her. “You doubt me don’t you?” He asks and then sighs shaking his head when he sees her nod. “Ciel Phantomhive the feelings I have for you go past caring and I will do everything in my power to get you to stop harming yourself in this way.” He said to her and then kissed the back of her hand.

She blushed faintly when he did this. It would have been a brighter blush but she had lost a lot of blood from her ordeal. She took his hand and held it in her own clinging to it like it was her lifeline. Well in her mind it was these were the hands that had saved her so many times before when it wouldn’t have matter but tonight if he hadn’t of come she would have been dead.

Sebastian gave her hand a gentle squeeze and then looked into her mismatched eyes, the ones that he loved so much. He sighed and looked at her with a soft caring look, a look that was never seen on Sebastian’s face unless he was around a cat. “Ciel I have to ask you this. Why are you doing this?” He said wondering if he was the cause of Ciel’s self harming.

Ciel bit her lip and sighed looking away. She couldn’t lie to Sebastian but yet she didn’t want to tell him that he was part of the reason why she did this. “Because of a lot of things Sebastian...” She replied resorting to the simple way of answering his question without going into detail the reasons. She looked at him hoping that he wouldn’t press for more details but part of her knew that he would.

He sighed and shook his head. “Ciel I can’t help you until you give me something specific as to the reason why.” He told her truthfully wanting more then anything to help the young women in front of him get rid of the horrible thoughts that must be plaguing her mind. 

She sighed in defeat and looked into Sebastian’s red eyes. “The reasons are because of different things. How it’s my fault that my parents were killed and that Madame Red was killed by that reaper...But there are other things.” She admitted and then looked away wondering if she should tell him that some of the things that he had done had caused her to do this as well. 

Sebastian nodded and looked at her. “Well Ciel you can tell me anything about it. I won’t judge you and my opinion of you won’t change. I promise.” He said and then squeezed her hand again. 

Ciel bites her lip and looks down. “The other reason is...you Sebastian...You’re part of the reason why I do this."


	3. Chapter 3

Sebastian looked at her with wide eyes. His worst fears had been confirmed when she said those words. He had never meant to cause her this kind of harm but he had done it anyways. “Young Mistress I am terribly sorry. But can you please tell me what it was about me that caused you to do this to yourself?” He asked gently running his fingertips over one of her scars.

Ciel bit her lip and looked away smacking his hand away. “It’s your constant teasing of me. No matter what I do you tease me and it makes me feel like even though I’m supposed to be all of these great things that I really am nothing at all.” She replied and continued to look away not really caring anymore if Sebastian knew about her self harming. It’s not like he was going to try to stop her.

He sighed and then made her look at him. “Ciel Phantomhive. I care so much about you and the last thing I ever wanted to do was to cause you to harm yourself like this. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I can understand if you can’t.” He said cupping her cheek with his hand.

Without realizing what she was doing she began to lean into his touch sighing softly. She looked at him and bit her lip. “Sebastian I don’t know if I can believe you. I’ve heard the same words before to be hurt in the end when I forgave them. Why should I believe you? You are a demon after all you could be telling me complete lies.”

“If I was telling lies and only wanted to hurt you would I do this Ciel?” He asked before leaning down and gently kissing her lips. He pulled away and then smiled when he saw the faint blush that had come across her cheeks.

 

Ciel pulled away and could feel the blush that was heating up her cheeks. She bit her lip and looked at him. “Do you really care? Or do you only want me to live long enough for you to get my soul in the end?” She asks needing to know this not ready to be played with and not wanting to be. 

Sebastian sighed and looked at her. “Ciel I already told you that I do care. If I had met you and hadn’t formed the contract with you this would be easier because then in the end I wouldn’t have to eat the soul of the only women that I’ve ever really loved.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and then kisses him. “Sebastian...I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time and it killed me every day when you teased me that it would drive me to the point of insanity and cause me to go into depression making me harm myself just to make myself feel better again.”  
Sebastian kisses her back and then hugs her tight careful not to cause her wounds any pain. “It’s rare for a demon to feel love Ciel and they say when they do that it is likely they will never feel it again. Ciel Phantomhive I love you. I love you as much that is possible with me being a demon. I don’t want to have to eat your soul in the end knowing that you return my feeling but the only way to stop it is to turn you into a demon and I don’t want to do that to you.”

Ciel bites her lip and stays silent for a few minutes causing Sebastian to worry that he did or said something wrong. When she does say something what she says honestly shocks the demon. “Sebastian I want you to turn me into a demon.”


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian’s jaw dropped for once as he looked at the girl in front of him. She wanted to be a demon?! A soul sucking creature that felt no forgiveness or emotion unless it was the rare feeling of love. He shook his head and gently pushed her down onto the bed. “Ciel I think the blood loss and lack of sleep is getting to you. Try to get some sleep.” He said to her pulling the comforter over her small frame.

Ciel sighed knowing that she was tired but that she had meant what she said. She wanted to become a demon so that she didn’t have to leave Sebastian. As much as she denied it before she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She was in love with her demon butler and she wouldn’t hide it any longer. She looked at him and reached a hand out for him. “Will you lay with me until I fall asleep?”

He genuinely smiled at the look on her face. She looked like the teenager she was looking to him for comfort in this dark time in her mind. He nodded and removed his shoes, tail coat, and vest before climbing into bed next to the navy blue haired girl and wrapping his arms around her pulling her closer to him. 

She sighed and moved so her back was pressed up against his chest and she could feel the movement of his chest from his breathing on her back. She relaxed even more as he began to hum and run his fingers through her dark hair. She finally lost the battle with sleep and gave in falling into the unconsciousness of sleep.

 

Sebastian smiled and stayed with her long after she fell asleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about what she had asked of him. How could he turn his precious Ciel into the thing that he was and that most people despised. He had always pictured her staying with him as a human slowly aging as the years went by not by his side staying the same age forever. He got so lost in his thinking he barely noticed the sunrise and sighed getting up out of Ciel’s bed and putting back on the clothing he had taken off earlier. He left the room going to prepare her morning tea and breakfast.

Ciel groaned and sat up in bed when the light came pouring in through the window. She yawned and started rubbing her eyes with her fists not caring if she looked like a child. Sebastian smiled and poured her tea handing it to her. “For this morning’s tea we have a nice herbal tea that’s been known to have nice healing effects.” He said as she took the first sip and nodded. He started to exit the room to let her get dressed and he heard her sigh. “Sebastian you’ve already seen what I was trying to hide there’s no point in dressing myself anymore.” Ciel said and looked at him. Sebastian bowed slightly and then nodded. “Of course Ciel.” He said as he started to head to her closet picking a simple light blue dress that would bother her new cuts.

She sighed and stood up letting Sebastian dress her and then sighing and looked him in his red eyes. “Sebastian I meant what I said last night. I want you to make me a demon.” She said and started walking towards the door getting ready to head towards the dining room. Sebastian sighed knowing that once the girl had made up her mind she wouldn’t change it. “Understood Ciel...I’ll start to make the preparations to change you for as soon as you're ready.”

Ciel thought for a moment and then smiled. “I want to do it tonight if possible.” She said looking at him biting her lip slightly. “It can be done tonight. After the other servants go to bed it shall be done.”


	5. Chapter 5

Sebastian walked into Ciel’s room late that night after checking to make sure the other members of the help were asleep. He sighed holding the knife and candelabra in his hands so he would have light when he did the ceremony. He knocked on the door and entered when he heard Ciel’s soft voice telling him to enter. He sighed and set the candelabra and the knife down. “Are you sure you want to do this Ciel?” 

Ciel sighed and stood up dressed in her cotton nightgown that went down to her ankles. “Yes this is what I want. You should know by now Sebastian that once I have made up my mind I don’t change it.” She said traces of pride leaking into her voice.

Sebastian nodded and looked at her. “Then it’s going to be best that if while I’m doing this I put you into a type of sleep to avoid any unnecessary pain.” He said walking closer to her. She nodded and looked at him with wide eyes. “Fine then do it don’t hesitate.”

He nodded and walked over to her putting his right hand over her eyes. “Dormite jam, vos ego appello, dum iterum excitare. Donec nec dolor non senties dolorem. Dormire autem puer.” He caught Ciel as she started to fall to the ground and then laid her into the center of the room. 

Sebastian walked over blowing out the candles in the candelabra since for the ritual it had to be completely dark. He took the knife and made a cut on his wrist. He took a finger and took some of the blood onto it and made pentagrams on Ciel’s forehead and wrists. 

He took a deep breathe his eyes turning to his demon pink color as he started to say the spell that would change Ciel into the demon she wanted to be. “Vos appeho tenebris Domine Satanus mutare puellam ut Ciel Phantomhive in daemonium vult fieri. Benedictionem tuam super eam, et nota nostrum rogo genus suum aperit oculos nostros ut erat daemonium vivit et vult fieri voluit!” 

Sebastian finishes and his eyes turn back to their normal red as he look at Ciel to see the signs if she was really becoming a demon like she had wanted. Sure enough her nails were turning black and the beginnings of little horns were starting to from on the top of her head. He knew it had worked and that Satan had granted his wish to make Ciel a demon. Although he doubted that he would deny him considering that Sebastian was the grandson of Satan and next in line after his father to rule over hell. 

Sebastian watched as she began to open her eyes and look at him. Sure enough her eyes had turned blood red and the transformation was complete. He smiled slightly and looked at her. “How do you feel?” He asked her never having changed anyone before and he didn’t know how this would affect her.

Ciel looked at him and sat up slightly only to be pushed back down by Sebastian. “I feel okay...just kind of...hungry.” She said feeling weird about saying that knowing what she was now but it was the truth. She wasn’t just hungry to be honest she was starving. 

 

Sebastian laughed and looked at her. “That hunger isn’t for food like you might be thinking. We’ll have to go out tonight and find you a soul to feed on.” He told her and then helped her stand on her own feet as he looks into eyes that were now the same color as his. “I’ll also have to teach you how to change your eye color and hide your horns and tail.” He said truthfully. In addition to the small horns Ciel had now she also had a tail that came to a point at the end. 

She sighed and looked at him nodding slightly before heading over to the window. “Well then come on let’s find that soul that you were talking about.” She said jumping out of the two story window landing on her feet taking off running.

Sebastian jumped and then ran after her smiling softly as he chased her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rough translation for the Latin in this chapter. I did use google translate for this. Please don't kill me.
> 
> Dormite jam, vos ego appello, dum iterum excitare. Donec nec dolor non senties dolorem. Dormire autem puer. = Sleep now and wait till I call upon you to awaken once again. Until then you shall feel no pain or sorrow. Now sleep child.
> 
>  
> 
> Vos appeho tenebris Domine Satanus mutare puellam ut Ciel Phantomhive in daemonium vult fieri. Benedictionem tuam super eam, et nota nostrum rogo genus suum aperit oculos nostros ut erat daemonium vivit et vult fieri voluit=I call upon you the dark lord Satan to change this girl known as Ciel Phantomhive into the demon she wants to become. With the mark of our kind upon her and your blessing I ask that she opens her eyes as one of our kind and lives as the demon she was meant to and wishes to become


	6. Chapter 6

Ciel and Sebastian ran into London laughing making a game out of it until they reached the part of town where Sebastian knew they would have an easier time finding a soul for the newly changed teen. He sighed and looked at her grabbing her hand to signal to her to stop running and pay attention to him.

She turned to him a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “So how do I eat a soul Sebastian?” She asks curiosity killing her. “Well it’s works like this. You find your target and tonight we’re just going to use a local drunk that no one would miss if they found him dead. You will seduce him to the point where he thinks you’re going to kiss him and from there it should come naturally. It’s almost like sucking something up through a straw.” 

Ciel nodded and picked a man that looked to be the age of twenty-five. She could already tell the man was drunk and the bars had only opened a few hours ago. She sighed and let her hair down from the messy bun it was in and walked over to him in what she hoped to a sexy way. She grinned and looked at the man putting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s your name?”

Alex turned towards the sound of the voice he heard and gave a drunken smile. “The names Alex. What’s your’s pretty little thing?” He asked checking out the women that stood in front of him. She giggled slightly and looked at him. “It’s Ciel...Come with me...there’s something I want to show you Alex.” 

On a normal night Alex would have known better than to go with a women he had just meet but since he had been drinking his sense of judgement had been a bit impaired. He walked with her down a dark alleyway watching her blue hair shine even in the dark. Ciel stopped in the middle of the alleyway and turned towards him wrapping her arms around his neck and threading her fingers through his hair before kissing him. He didn’t pull away or resist. In fact he kissed her back before he felt an agonizing pain spread through his body and he fell to the ground dead. 

Ciel smirked and started to walk back to where she had left Sebastian. He was right as soon as their lips meet it came naturally to her and she was able to consume his soul without any problems. Even if the soul hadn’t been the best thing she had ever tasted it was enough to fill her and satisfy her. She got back to Sebastian and he smirked looking at her. “So how was your first soul?” 

“It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever had but at least I’m satisfied.” She replied and gave a small shrug turning her back towards him and starting to walk towards the manor. “Come on Sebastian let’s go home.”

When they got back to the manor Ciel laid on her bed and tossing and turning not able to sleep when she remembers that if she ever sleeps again it won’t be needed. Sebastian walked into Ciel’s room sighing softly. “You’re not going to be able to sleep Ciel.” He said to her sitting on the foot of her bed. She sighs and sits up looking at him. “I know that Sebastian I’m not an idiot.” Sebastian sighed and shook his head. “I never said that you were. I fact I think you’re anything but an idiot.” He said moving closer to her a slight smirk playing on his lips.

She smirked and came closer to him. She got so close that their skin would brush together at times. “Well then what do you think of me Sebastian?”

 

He smiled and took her face in his hands. “I think you amazing, and beautiful, and smart. The best person I’ve ever meet.” He replied before leaning forward and capturing her lips in a kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a week since that first kiss between Sebastian and Ciel and Ciel felt like instead of getting better she was getting worse. She was feeling depressed and would not hardly talk to anyone. She had isolated herself from people and when Sebastian did he tried to make her feel better gently kissing her and giving her gentle caresses. But nothing seemed to work in lifting her spirits.

Ciel sat in her room late at night thinking about everything. Dark thoughts filled her mind and she sighed and stood up walking over grabbing her old razor blade. She knew it wouldn't do much damage but she just needed to feel the familiar feeling that it gave her.

She sat on her bed dragging the blade across her wrist watching the blood pour from it for a few seconds before the wound closed and healed itself but not before blood had got on the sheets and stained them. Tears flowed down Ciel's face and she continued cutting. As soon as one cut closed she opened another one. By the time the sun rose the white sheet had turned red around her.

Ciel was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear Sebastian's footsteps approaching her door. He opened the door and his jaw dropped at what he saw. Here she was the girl that he loved cutting herself over and over again. He ran over to her removing the blood soaked blade from her hands and throwing it across the room so it embedded itself in a wall. Sebastian pulled her off of the bed and hugged her tightly. "Ciel why?" Was all he could say as he looked down into her blue eyes.

She continued to cry burying her face in Sebastian's chest. "b-Because I needed to...I couldn't go on any longer without it." She said holding onto his shirt like it was a life line. Sebastian ran his fingers through her hair rocking back and forth before standing up and standing up in a chair. "Ciel how many blades do you have?" He asked looking at her biting his lip slightly. "Just the one in the wall." She said looking down at the ground.

Sebastian nodded standing up walking over to the wall and removing the blade from it and taking the sheets off the bed. As he walked to the door Ciel looked at him with wide eyes. "Sebastian what are you doing?" She asked biting her lip.

He looked at her sighing softly. "I am going to throw these thing away. The blade for sure. I won't let you hurt yourself again Ciel." He said walking out of the room leaving Ciel to sit confused and a little worried.

When he came back he hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Ciel I love you and I hate seeing you hurting like this. Please for me try to stop. I will always be here and no matter what you think and what anyone tells you you're not alone. I love you more than anything and I always will." He said kissing her lips deeply and passionately.

Ciel kissed him back and hugged him back burying her face in the crook of his neck and sighing softly. "I'll try. For you Sebastian. I love you."


	8. Chapter 8

It had been over a month since Ciel’s relapse. Sebastian had stayed by her side only leaving her when it was absolutely required of him. Ciel was working on getting better but she found that it was hard. Even though at night Sebastian laid by her side she found that she was consumed by the darkest parts of her mind. They filled her head with voices that were anything but kind and helpful to her. 

Sebastian noticed this change in the young demoness that he had fallen so head over heels for. She seemed withdrawn at times and she would also talk to herself when she thought she was alone or that he wasn’t paying attention. He was extremely worried but he knew she hadn’t cut in a the little over a month since the last time. Sebastian knew that she wasn’t going to heal overnight but he figured she would make some progress by now. He was determined not to give up. That wasn’t his style of doing things and he knew that if he gave up on her she wouldn’t heal but only get extremely worse in the end.

Ciel paced around nervously in her room sighing softly. She knew that Sebastian had to deal with those idiots but she didn’t like being alone. When she was alone that is when those awful thoughts came out. Ciel was doing well resisting the urge to harm herself even though the urge was strong. She sat in her windowsill looking over the yellow orange of the setting sun. It was funny to her. While everything else would be preparing for the night by sleeping and other things of that nature she would be sitting there with her own personal darkness clouding her mind. 

It didn’t take much to see that Ciel was forming a mental block between her and anything on the outside of her mind. She barely let Sebastian in and to be honest it was the one thing that scarred the demon. He knew that this was bad and he hated seeing the love of his existence being like this. All Ciel wanted was to get over this but the thoughts in her head would not allow that and she wondered if she would ever be normal again. 

Ciel got off the windowsill and started to pace around her room. She was fighting a mental war with herself the was very evenly matched and it seemed like there would be no winner in this war between mind and body. She collapsed onto her bed and closed her eyes. even if she couldn’t sleep since she was a demon she could still lay on her bed with her eyes closed shut off from the world. 

Sebastian came into the room and sat by her side stroking her hair gently. Her wide midnight blue eyes opened to look up in Sebastian’s crimson red ones and bit her lip slightly. “Sebastian will I ever be normal again?” She asked him a frown apparent on her face. He frowned and hugged the young demoness to him and gently rocked back and forth. “Ciel you will be what you consider normal again. I don’t doubt that and I truly believe that you will overcome this and and be okay again.” 

Ciel hugged him tightly burying her face into his chest and started to sob. She hated crying. It made her feel weak and worthless. Ciel had always felt like when she cried a little piece of her broke and she could never get it back because if she was weak enough to cry then she was to weak to get it back. But no matter how much she wanted to stop and regain her composure she just sat there sobbing Sebastian gently rubbing her back. 

Sebastian didn’t know what to do. He had never seen Ciel cry like this and the only thing he could try to do to help her was hold her while she cried and rock back and forth while rubbing her back. He wondered if she would ever be the way she was when he had first met her. That they would have to find out in time but until then they could only sit there and wonder what was going to happen to them as a couple and as the only ones that understood each other.


	9. Chapter 9

Sebastian anymore was always there for Ciel when she cried or started thinking those dark thoughts which was often anymore. He knew this wasn’t normal for the girl and he was starting to doubt the fact that he might be able to help her. This is a fact that scarred the demon terribly. He couldn’t stand to lose the only one he would ever love but if things kept going the way that they were he wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to keep her by his side.

Ciel spent most days locked in her room only letting Sebastian in. She hadn’t eaten a soul since her first time and that was three months ago. The girl was starving but she just didn’t have the will to eat any souls. To be honest she didn’t have much willpower to do much of anything and most days Sebastian had to do the simple things like dress and brush her hair simply because she didn’t do those things for herself most days.

` The older of the two demons walked into her room one day a few weeks after she started to shut down and went over his routine of brushing the girl’s long, beautiful, flowing hair and dressing his in a simple white cotton dress. He tried to convince her to take a soul and sighed when she refused. Luckily he had taken an extra soul for her and when he gave her the normal good morning kiss he force feed it to her.

The younger demon was angry at this and pushed Sebastian away trying to make herself throw up the force feed soul. “Why did you do that?! You know I don’t want to eat soul’s Sebastian!” She screamed anger being the only other emotion she showed during these past few weeks. Her eyes turned a demonic pink as she glared at him.

 

The raven haired demon sighed as he looked at the bluenette. “I’m sorry Ciel but if you didn’t eat you were slowly going to wither away and die on this very bed. It’s hard for a demon to die but we can from starvation.” He explained watching as the girl’s eyes slowly went back to their normal cerulean blue. 

The bluenette sighed and shook her head laying back down on her side her back facing Sebastian. “Why if I want to die? Then what’s the problem then?” She asked not looking at him not even wanting to turn her head and look in those red eyes that she still loved.

Sebastian sighed and made the girl sit on his lap and then turned her head to make her face him. “Because the problem with that is that I’m not ready to let you go Ciel. I love you more than anything and I always will. If you were to die I would be right behind you to be with you once again.” He said before kissing her softly.

 

Ciel kissed him back and then pulled away with a slight smile. It was the first in days and Sebastian captured the image in his mind wanting to save this memory of her smiling forever in his mind. She then sighed and shook her head. “I would kick you back and made sure you stayed here in the living world and do something decent with your forever.” She replied with a small smirk. 

 

The older laughed at this and kissed her again loving the feeling of her feather soft lips against his own. When he pulled away it left the younger demon short of breath and with a small smile on her lips.

She sighed and looked at him with wide eyes hugging him tightly. “Thank you Sebastian. Thank you for never giving up on me and always staying by my side. I promise I’ll try my hardest not to leave you and stay by your side.” She said before falling silent closing her eyes and going into a sleep like trance.


	10. Chapter 10

Ciel sat in her pitch black room all alone. Sebastian had left hours ago to do who knows what. She sat there playing with the blade in her hands. A blade she knew would end her life as a demon and let her die and maybe finally be happy again. She stood up from her bed grabbing an ink pen and some paper. She began the process of writing her final words and thoughts to Sebastian.

 

“My Dearest Sebastian,

I have to keep my promise to and heal but as the time goes by I am finding it more and more difficult to do. For this very reason I am deciding to take my life.

I’m sorry to you to say that I just couldn’t find enough happiness and reasons to stay alive in this world forever as a demon. I should have died that night when I was ten. I should have never summoned you. It would have saved you so many wasted hours on someone as pathetic as me.

Sebastian please do understand that I do love you and because I love is part of the reason i’m doing this. I’m no good for you and I am only dragging you down to places you don’t need to be. So please understand it’s good for you to forget about me and find someone who could love you ways I never could. 

I love you Sebastian and I always will even in death.

Forever yours,

Ciel Phatomhive.”

 

Ciel folded the letter in half putting Sebastian’s name on the front and putting it outside the door where she knew he would find it. She then sat on the bed taking one final deep breath slitting her wrists open. She had cut down to the bone and she knew it wouldn’t heal because of the blade. Her vision started to become black as she finally gave in to the darkness accepting death.

 

Sebastian came back early the next morning and he couldn’t be happier. Today was the day he was going to ask Ciel to marry him. He spent most of the day yesterday getting everything for this. He went up to Ciel’s room with the ring inside a pocket in his tailcoat when a funny looking piece of paper caught his eye. 

The demon read the letter and his jaw dropped and he shook his head. ‘This has to be some sort of sick joke right?! I’m going to walk in there and she will be laying in bed with those beautiful eyes.’ He took a deep breath and opened the door to his love’s room.

 

The sight almost brought the demon to his knees. There was the love of his life laying on her bed in a pool of her own blood. The rise and fall of her chest was absent from her. He ran over and took her pale limp body into his arms tears streaming down his face. “Ciel?! Ciel! Please don’t leave me. I need you….come back.” He cried and buried his face in the girl’s long hair. It was unlike him to cry but he couldn’t stop himself as he held her in his arms.

 

Sebastian buried her a few days later next to her parents figuring it would be what she wanted. It still killed him to think that she was really gone. Fifty years passed before he found someone knew but he couldn’t forget about Ciel and he always loved her more. Eventually the demon took his life to be with her so maybe he could once again see that amazing smile that could only belong to Ciel Phantomhive.


End file.
